I promised myself I would blog more.  I guess the main factor is trying to find a desire to do it more than every little bit.  Life doesn't slow down to allow for the 8 billion things going on in my head that I want to do. I have been trying to decide what I really want to focus on the most.  I guess right now my blog would be an unwinding of my mind and thoughts.  I have been dabbling with making jewelry again, and with drawing and photography on the side.  Somedays I think I just have too many irons in the fire with what I want to do.  I wish I could figure out something to focus on that would be super sucessful, but I guess I will test the waters until I find something I am sure of.  I was about to give up on the jewelry until someone at the last big sale I was at, kinda inspired me not to give it up. 

Life in the fast lane

Ok, so I have been super busy from the first of the year until now.  I have actually been living, and celebrating my word that's for sure.  I actually got more active, and since the first of the year, I have actually taken off close to 50 pounds.  I got to going a whole lot more since returning back to the states the end of Sept.  I was driving around my new truck on my own too, and I never thought I would be doing that.  I have never been a truck girl, but the opportunity came to us to buy dad's truck and we jumped on it.  I know that we still have a year left at least, if not longer on Okinawa, but I know its a nice truck, and it will be looked after while I am gone.  Plus it is kinda nice to have another piece of dad.  I will post about what all happened with him soon.  I just never had the heart to write it until now.  I miss him terribly at times.


If you can't tell, yes I made it back to Okinawa, about a month ago, and I have been on go since then.  I have been running around and going places as much as possible, and I am actually looking for my car.  Kinda crazy but I need it to go and do things for me, while the soldier is at work, and I don't want to fully just depend on him.  


Back to what all has been going on since my last post.  The princess graduated from Kindergarten.  I cried, and I am sad about it at times too because she wont be able to see those little cuties she became such friends with for a while.  She became best buddies with a cute girl who is like her polar opposite in school.  While the princess is quiet and reserved, this girl is outspoken and out there.  They both are adorable, and when someone mentioned to her the other day that the princess was about to go back to Japan, she just cried.  They were such close friends, but we have their address and they can practice writing to one another.  


We moved mom and my sister from the farm in Kentucky, to a nice house in North Carolina, up in the mountains.  I went ahead and got my license and started my last residency that I believe I will ever have.  NC is home, I was born there, and raised there for several of my childhood life, and no matter what, it will be home.  Okinawa is a close second home, and if anything ever happens to my mom, I may retreat here and never leave.  Despite the crazy humidity, and typhoons, this place remains in the kind of way of life I remember from my childhood being raised in the south.  Things are laid back here, and people are kind, and friendly, and normally speak to anyone.  


I have been playing with my camera like mad, and experimenting more and more.  I have taken it off automatic several times and played around with the setting to try to achieve the kind of pictures I wanted.  Maybe I will get crazy and actually start posting some of them.  I am so hesitant because of people out there who take the pictures and claim them to be their own.  It just makes me hesitant about things,  but who knows.    

My Word

There is a thing out there, where people choose a word and it is like their inspiration for the upcoming year. I had seen it last year and had spent several days trying to think of word that would inspire me, and just failed so I didn't have a word for last year.  Yesterday for some reason, my ipod led me to the blog entry for a local photographer that I am getting to know personally through Facebook and through several little online chats here lately through a common photogroup that we are in.  I have admired her photography skills for a while and really love her spunk!  Several times she has made me laugh with her responses to things. Come to find out through one of our little chats back and forth she is the same sign as me.  This could explain a thing or two about why I like her then.  ha ha ha.  But back to what I was saying.  I read her entry about her choosing her word for this new year we have upon us. She talked about how last year's word she hadn't focused on as much as she had hoped, and in my mind I was thinking how much I could relate. I debated on several words.  Focus.... focus on me, focus on life, a camera's focus.....  That could work, but it doesn't click with me.  I was thinking of what all I wanted to do this year, and how much change will be involved and thought maybe change? Change me and my way of thinking. Change to becomea better mother.  Change to become more active in several things I am passionate about. Change in my way of living......... Then it hit me.  Like a ton of bricks on the head.  I am not living right now.  Not living for me, or what I love to do, I feel like I am floating through my life and what all is going on.  I have been doing that a lot since dad died over a year ago,  and to be honest, a lot even before that.  I was just a body existing.  My mind, spirit, and majorly and whole being was just doing that existing.  Not living, not even alive. My stress level has just caused my brain and spirit especally to run on an autopilot for a while now, and I am tired of floating or just existing.  So my word came to me.  LIVE........  It has so many applications, and it is more than just a verb, it's an adjective, and an adverb.

  webster's defines it as.  "
Live

(Verb)

1.to be alive : have the life of an animal or plant

2: to continue alive

3: to maintain oneself :

4: to occupy a home :

5: to attain eternal life

6: to conduct or pass one's life

7: to remain in human memory or record

8: to have a life rich in experience

9: cohabit

transitive verb

1: to pass through or spend the duration of

2: act out, practice —often used with out 

3: to exhibit vigor, gusto, or enthusiasm in 

4a : to experience firsthand 
 b : to be thoroughly absorbed by or involved with

 

Adjective.

 

1a : having life : living 

b : existing in fact or reality : actual 

2: exerting force or containing energy: as a : afire, glowing 

 b : connected to electric power

c : charged with explosives and containing shot or a bullet : also : armed but not exploded

 d : imparting or driven by power

e : being in operation 

3: abounding with life : vivid

4: being in a pure native state

5: of bright vivid color

6: of continuing or current interest 

7a : not yet printed from or plated

 b : not yet typeset

8a : of or involving a presentation (as a play or concert) in which both the performers and an audience are physically present 

b : broadcast directly at the time of production 

9: being in play

 

Adverb

: at the actual time of occurrence : during, from, or at a live production"

 

I could hit on so much right now and break it all down but this is going to be my word.  There are so many different ways and meanings behind it, but I am going to LIVE.  No more autopilot, no more just existing.  I am going to be living, and totally LIVE.  Welcome 2012.  Coming to you........ LIVE.

NYE's Eve.

We are down to the day before New Year's Eve.  Whew, it has gone by so fast.  I'm not going to make any new year resolutions.  I am  just going to try to do minor changes that I have implimented a couple of weeks back and continue them.  Making a new year resolution usually ends up getting broken after a couple of months so I thought by starting it before the traditional resolutions started it wouldn't feel like I was trying to make a change just because of a new year starting.  My little girl will be graduating from Kindergarden in 2012.  I am totally mixed about that because its just another sign of how fast time is flying by since she was born.  I am still in the middle of fighting off this virus funk that is going around right now.  Dr. called me in amoxicilin, but said to just increase little girl's fluids....... hmmmm why would you give me an antibotic but not one for her?  I just don't get doctors at all sometimes.  

Well I have been playing around and getting to learn my camera more and more.  Oh this is going to be fun.  I feel so lost sometimes, and I feel like I have been reading the same chapter over and over and nothing from it is sinking into my brain.  Well I will be trying stuff soon.   I have been trying to feel more comfortable with using the camera before I post any photos just yet.  I did get a couple of photos of the princess with her makeup artresty (is that how its spelled?)  She put lipstick in this line all around her mouth kind of making her look like Heath Ledger saying Why so serious???? The princess definately dances to the beat of her own drum......  (I do wonder if it sounds like eisa drummers?)  I hate that I am not in japan right now and I will be missing out on a lot of different things, but I am pretty much at peace with it, and I am going to enjoy getting to spend some more time here at home where there is an actual change of seasons.............. ok well, normally there was.  This year not so much so.  It feels weird still being in the 50's and it is the end of December.  Who knows what January will bring.   I wish everyone a safe and sane new year's day.  Please try to stay safe.

Holiday spirit

Well the holidays are steadily approaching and because of  insanity at my sister's work, we went ahead and celebrated for the most part early.  Every year it is the same thing, she has to work, and I keep on hearing the excuses over and over that because other people are married and have kids that they need the time off to celebrate with their kids, well what about my sister's family?  Do we not count for anything?  Nope, obviously being single gets you no where.  I told her to tell them that since they are using that excuse then because she is single that she should get New Years Eve off to get her groove on.  Hey, at least it got a laugh from her.  At least the princess is young enough it doesn't really matter to her when we do anything on it.  She is currently sitting in the floor happily playing with her presents, talking to herself.  The biggest surprise is that Santa Claus hasnt come yet,  She will be beside herself when he does deliver.  She is so excited that she got the silly hair lalaloopsy doll right now though.   BOY was that ever a bear to get!!!  Sometimes I think her wanting what all the other kids want for Christmas can be so dangerous sometimes.  I did get really lucky and did all my shopping online this year, minus a couple of things I had my sister pick up in the stores while she was out.  I have been joking that it looks like I am having an affair with the UPS man.  He was coming to the house everyday he delivered bringing out all this stuff.  Matter of fact he was just here a few minutes ago delivering a couple of bags I ordered a couple of weeks ago.  I totally love our delivery man.  He is beyond kind and thoughtful.  A couple of weeks ago, everyone in the house was super sick with this nasty virus going around. Of course, it would be the day a HUGE group of boxes came in.  We seriously had 8 boxes!!  There was no way any of the adults could have carried them in, and I didnt want him exposed, so I had the princess open the door and have him set them down and she could carry them one at a time since they were all small.  He carried them all the way into the house and set them down in the utility room for her, I let him know I didnt want to expose him to the funk, and he just smiled and said it was no problem and he could bring them further if needed.  He has always been that nice.  I do know of a time when my mom was the only one home and the box that came was super heavy.  Since they took off the  toe off Mom's foot, her walk can be unsteady at times.  This driver, carried it all the way into the house and set it down out of the way for mom so she didnt have to.  This guy really goes the extra mile, and it definately is appreciated.  When we made our candy trays this year, we made sure to remember him.  With all the videos out there this past week of drivers doing so much wrong, I knew I had to tell about a driver who does good.

Third times a charm?

Ok so I have neglected things once again.  I just have had a hard time with getting started with the whole blogging thing for some reason.  I guess if I got motivated and got a bunch of readers, then maybe I would force myself into blogging more?  Who knows.  Life has settled into a strange rut.  I am back in the US right now on a visit of sorts.  I probably wont go back to Japan until the end of spring/early summer.  The princess started Kindergarden here, and I am not really motivated to move her in the middle of the year unless it is necessary.  We came back to the states to be here while my little sister was recovering from getting her tonsils taken out, and I just don't want to travel back alone again.  I am tired of it, and I know that physically I just can't handle traveling until I am in better shape anyway.  I plan on getting back to taking care of me, I have just let it go for far too long, and for once I plan on focusing on me.  My mom and sister don't mind helping me stay motivated, and helping me out with the princess while I am in the process of doing that either.  The soldier is too busy with work, and getting himself in order, so this rather self inposed seperation will help out us in the long run.  It isnt any  worse than going through another deployment.  I miss so much about Japan, but at the same time I don't.  I did find out this last journey from the states to Japan, that a group of friends that I thought would be there for me, really are not.  I think a huge wedge in the group is one person in particular, but I am not in the mood for childish call outs, rather I would just prefer to back away and let things go for a while.  Maybe in time, these friends and I will meet paths again.  In some ways it really hurts because I am back here, and I would love more than anything to get together and go out with a couple of them to dinner, but this person is usually in the middle.  Oh well.  It has reminded me that my military girlfriends and I are a much stronger knit group of girls.  I have even had one in particular drive over an hour to come and spend some time with me when we scattered dad's ashes.  Her and her hubby totally mean the world to me and words just can't describe the love I have for this couple of people. 

I am back to diving into photography again.  This time I am not going to start then toss it aside.  I plan to learn to use this digital beast, and I plan on trying my best to document what I am learning so maybe I can remember more.  I was getting pretty good with the whole 35mm  film photography when I finally switched to digital, then I got sloppy and let all the automatic settings take over for me and I feel like I have lost some of my vision that manually focusing and setting up shots with film taught me to do.  Not anymore, I gotta play with it all.  So why not show what I am learning as I go.  Who knows, maybe someone out there will learn a thing or two as well.  So lets see how this goes from here, shall we?

Turning Japanese

Well, we got here, through a long eventful series of flights and have been here since the begining of July.  I think we have all aclimated quite well to being on the opposite side of the world from where we were.  The hardest adjustment at times is the total change in language around us.  I sometimes hate that I can't read things, or speak to people out in the general population.  Slowly but surely I am learning greetings, along with the soldier and princess.  She is a total trooper.  Funnier still the Princess has taken a quick grasp on saying Konichiwa, and Konbonwa to greet people, and Arigoto to thank people.  They giggle and make comments about how cute it is that she is learning to speak japanese.  Well DUH!! I would hope my child learns a lot of it while she is here living.  I would really hope that both she and I can speak some.  My ultimate goal would be that we would be fluentish. (is that a word?)  I have been totally amused with everything and I have been taking photos galore.  I will try to put up some soon.  I figure since I have some extra time I will even get to blogging a lot more.